Do No Harm: From a Fat Patient
Tell me… have you ever left the doctor’s office, gotten in your car, and cried?
I have.
In fact, in my 330 lb., 5’2 1/2’ body frame, it has just about the only way I’ve left the doctor’s office.
There is nothing easy about learning to love my body, and over the years, the biggest challenge in that journey has been seeking medical care. I can’t count the times I was made to feel less than when I step on the scale, when the nurse is shocked that with the weight I carry, my BP isn’t high, or when the doctor comes in and visibly reacts to seeing me. I have honestly lost count of the times where I go the doctor for help, only to be given the advice that I need to consider weight loss surgery, eating less, working out more and stressing less.
Thank you, Doctor Obvious I was aware of my size when I stepped into your office,
I was also aware of my size when I stepped on the scale, when the nurse threw me the side-eyes, and when you dismissed my chief complaint and chose to focus on the impact of my weight, instead.
But that didn’t stop me from spending years searching for someone who would hear me, someone who would listen, and not just write everything off as a side effect of being in this body. Sometimes, the search to receive care was more painful than the pain itself.
I have had sciatica for years, and last year it got the point where I could not take it. I walked into Orthopedic Emergency care clinic because I would barely walk, and the pain was shooting down my leg. I was given a shot and referral to another doctor in the office for injections into my lower back. I came back a month later to meet with the doctor for the injections. As soon as he walks in the room, he asks me if I ever considered weight loss surgery. I told him no, I have had trouble with waking up when put under anesthesia so I would not want to take that risk for an elective surgery. He never touched my back, asked me where it hurts, or anything related to my back. He spent under 3 minutes in the room, and most of the time was talking about a surgery which even he admitted might not make my back pain go away, but may possibly make me healthier in general. A week later, I got a call from his nurse. She told me the doctor would not do injections on my back but wanted me to have the number for the bariatric clinic, and was willing to make a referral to that clinic. As if the first interaction wasn’t bad enough, he needed to have his nurse call.
Six years ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and at the time, it felt like my body was at war with itself. I have always struggled with migraines, but shortly after I had my son my shoulder froze, and during that experience, I was finally diagnosed. I had hoped a diagnosis would make it easier to treat my daily, head-to-toe pain, but it didn’t. Instead, I saw a Physician’s Assistant who told me to manage my chronic condition with “the Mickey Mouse ears of health which entailed losing weight, eating better, and stressing less.” I left the office and cried on my husband shoulder because nothing she said included a realistic plan based on where I was at when I walked into that office. When I walked out that office, I gave up going to a pain doctor because I refuse to see someone who (A) could not manage the chronic daily pain (B) treated me as less than human because I am fat (C) did not care to see me get better just provide judgement on all the things they think I should do to feel better.
These are just a couple stories about my experiences being dismissed in a medical setting. I’ve spent most of my life trying to find a doctor who will treat the issue at hand without blaming the ailment on my weight. When I walk into an office, taking up space the way I do, it feels like doctors make automatic assumptions and it is hard to seek treatment. Finding the right doctor while being overweight can be tough. When I walk into the doctor, it does not matter what I came in for, there is always a discussion of my weight with concern for my health. If I stub my toe, I want a doctor who will look at the toe, not tell me how much better it would be if I lost 150 lbs., had weight loss surgery, or just worked out more. It seems like existing while being larger than what society deems is proper means that you do not deserve the same type of care that everyone else receives. I have gone from doctor to doctor just trying to find the right one that treats me with respect, listens to my complaints, understand that I have problems while being fat. When I finally found a primary doctor, who is a woman, and fluffy herself, I was finally able to receive care and direction without undesired comments on my weight. Until I found my current doctor, I felt like I was paying money to be told I am fat with my pain, depression, anxiety ignored.
I felt like my body was in constant war with itself. I have always struggled with migraines, but shortly after I had my son my shoulder froze and during that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I remember when I was first told that I had Fibromyalgia the Physicians Assistance treatment me says you have Fibromyalgia you need to manage it with the Mickey Mouse ears of health which entailed losing weight, eating better, and stressing less. I left the office and cried on my husband shoulder because nothing she said included a realistic plan based on where I was at when I walked into that office. My body feels like it a constant battle with itself with head-to-toe pain and I thought knowing what is wrong would make it easier to treat. However, I walked out that office and gave up going to a pain doctor who A. could not manage the chronic daily pain B. treated me as less than human because I am fat C. Did not care to see me get better just provide judgement on all the things they think I should do to feel better.
Healthcare should be one place that is sacred and safe to get the help you need without judgement. Doctors take an oath to do no harm, but I wonder, do they think about that when they provide subpar levels of care just because of a patient’s weight? If you have had a bad experience with a doctor, know that they there are good doctors out there. For years I settled with doctors that did next to nothing and let my health deteriorate because I thought that was a good as it would get. Do not be afraid to ask for a different doctor, change offices, and keep looking until you find a doctor that is right for you.